I was recently in a bookstore with my sister in law Cheryl while vacationing in Invermere, B.C. We were each looking for specific books for our own specific life journeys. I saw a book that I read everyday and recommended it to Cheryl. As I was explaining it to her a woman walked by and said "I have that book, it is fabulous and it seems to always pertain to the moment in which I am reading it".
The book is called "The Book of Awakening" - Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have...written by Mark Nepo. In the Foreword of the book it says "Mark had cancer, and it shook him awake. His desent into illness gave birth to an astonishing mindfulness. Now he invites us to use his eyes and heart to see and feel how awake our being alive can be. Having survived his cancer, Mark is grateful simply to breathe. But more than gratefulness he brings wisdom, clarity, kindness, and a passionate enthusiasm for sucking the marrow out of moments, out of the bones of time.
I am going to share today's excerpt as it pertains to this moment in time for me and what I have recently been writing about.
"A friend was traveling around Europe, training from city to city. Despite her plans, her interest drew her in different directions, and a path unfolded that she couldn't have foreseen. Each point of discovery led to the next, as if some logic out of view were guiding her. During this phase of her journey, though she often wasn't sure where she was, she never felt lost. It was when she needed to arrive at a certain station at a certain time that she felt she was off course, astray, and at a fringe of where she was supposed to be.
All this led her to realize that the more narrow her intentions on any one given day, the more she felt behind, late, and lost. In contrast, the wider her net of designs, the more often she felt a sense of discovery. Regardless of where she had to be, it seemed that the more open to possibility and change she was, the more she felt like every moment she came upon was holding a treasure she was supposed to find.
Of course, there will always be times that we need to find our very precise way. But more often than not, our image of a destination is only a starting point that we cling to needlessly. When we can free up our sense of needing to arrive in a certain place, we lessen the weight of being lost. And once, beneath arriving and beneath our fear of failing to arrive, the real journey begins."
This basically sums up me at this moment. I am going to open my heart completely....I am going to write, and write and write....perhaps create some new jewelry or even paint...I am going to do what feels right at the moment. I trust and have faith in the path that has been quietly chosen for me. I will discover it for myself when I am meant to.
http://www.kindovermatter.com/2012/08/dont-give-up-finding-gratitude-through.html
I follow this blog on my Facebook and today I read this story which made me cry. The words that flowed enabling the story to be told exactly the way that it needed to be were extremely touching.
I recently wrote about how I wasn't sure what to write.....This story came at the precise moment that I needed it to...it made me realize that I don't need to think so much about what I feel that I should write. I need to write from my heart and let my fingers form the words on the keypad. I have thoughts and experiences and inspirations that I would love to share.....I need to stop thinking "Well what if it's not interesting and what if nobody reads it" I need to undo the ties that hold me down and feel free to go forward with whatever it is that I enjoy doing at the time. I love the jewelry making, I love to take pictures, and I love to research new crafts. It's time now to go for it...put myself out there...take a risk and let go.
It has been a while since I have written and I could say that it is because it is summer and we have been busy. That would be partly true...we have had a busy wonderful summer doing everything that summer brings. We have gone on a couple of awesome vacations, enjoyed the many activities Edmonton has to offer and spent time with family and friends. My son recently turned 6....another year has passed and a new chapter is about to begin. He starts Grade 1 in 2 weeks which I find hard to accept at times...he was just a baby not so long ago!
The main reason I have not written is because I have not known what to say. I am feeling a bit "lost" in my creativity and life journey. I have had a knot of creativity in my heart for so many years waiting to bust out and make it's presence known...I can feel it trying so desperately to appear.
I have been making jewelry, which I truly enjoy but don't quite know if it is "my passion"....I know it was one of Kari's passions. I made pieces I hoped would reflect why I had started, which was to keep Kari close to me. I felt her spirit with me the minute I put the first bead on that string. I don't want to lose that feeling and I am scared that if the jewelry making doesn't continue that I will lose that connection......Totally silly to say I know but a feeling none the less. I have never known exactly what my passion is....I joke that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I truly wish I did. I have grown in so many ways, personally, professionally and spiritually and I do hope that the butterfly emerges from it's cocoon and shows me the flight path.....
I have a solar butterly light in my garden which I have never seen work. The other night when I went to bed I asked Kari to visit as I really was needing that. The next night after Anthony's birthday party Tony and I sat in the backyard to unwind. I told Tony about my wish and he said "Well I think she heard you". He pointed to the garden and the butterfly light was shining so bright...flickering red, then blue..green and yellow. It was a heart warming scene and "I thank you Kari" xox
I will continue with the jewelry because I do love it....perhaps Kari will throw me an idea that I will be able to say "That's it!"...
